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The Dark Tower 2017

The Dark Tower 2017

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Try to imagine an attempt to shoehorn the sprawling narrative of The Lord of the Rings into an hour and you’ll be close to grasping what went wrong with The Dark Tower. Previously an eight-book fantasy series by Stephen King, it has become a stunted afterthought of a film. It is being touted as a “canonical sequel” to the books rather than a straight “adaptation”, but in this sketchy and truncated form, how could it be otherwise?

Patently shredded at the bidding of (rightly) nervous bean-counters, the finished version of this gun-toting sci-fi-western hybrid does little service to anyone. Newcomers to King’s saga will leave none the wiser; fans none the happier. But it’s a sad waste, not a wilful one – a misfire you wish was better in virtually every shot.

Dual planes of reality intersect from the start in a Matrix-like fashion. There’s the real world, or “Keystone Earth”, which is more-or-less contemporary New York; and a lawless desert realm, like the Wild Wild West, where the fate of humanity hangs in the balance. Two men are locked in eternal combat here: a heroic Gunslinger, huffily played by Idris Elba, and a heartless sorcerer (Matthew McConaughey), set on flooding the world with darkness, pain and gratuitously sibilant vocal stylings.

We only get snatches of their immortal conflict, at first, and very hasty snatches they are: glitchy inserts, the hallucinations of a teenage boy called Jake (Tom Taylor), which entirely feel like full-length sequences someone thought surplus to the story, and then colour-graded to death and jammed into a half-hearted dreamscape instead. The computer effects run the gamut between woeful and woefuller – a sign of the film having neither the budget to match its original ambitions, nor the determination even to pursue them.