If memory serves, the series prominently featured an inept sheriff department, a white suit wearing villain, ferocious car chases, a preposterously hot chick with influential ass-fashion, a mechanic named Cooter, and a pair of hillbilly cousins peeling around in an orange Charger shooting things with dynamite arrows. Fans of the show will no doubt be thrilled to learn that the movie pretty much covers all the necessary bases, and though it doesn’t really matter, there’s almost a plot as well.
Bo and Luke Duke (Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville, respectively, I think) are delivery boys in the hooch distribution business, using their infamous automobile the General Lee to outrun the law, after which they smash the hell out patrons at the nearby restaurant where their unreasonably sexy cousin Daisy (Jessica Simpson) waits tables and speaks with a crappy Southern accent. A former local hero returns to town to challenge Bo in the annual off-road race, while town creep Boss Hogg (Burt Reynolds) is framing citizens and stealing their land. Them Duke boys then travel to Atlanta and recruit delectable college chicks to investigate the matter, and then drive really fast and crash cars and save the day.
Dukes of Hazzard would be insulting were there actually a precedent for quality, but even subterranean expectations don’t help matters — basically you get exactly what was provided on the TV series, only far dumber and louder (and with questionable soundtrack choices – I understand the urge to use songs with driving guitar riffs, but putting “Mississippi Queen” in a movie set in Georgia makes about as much sense as playing “If You Want Blood You Got It” during a police pursuit). The screenplay is credited to John O’Brien, who handled writing duties on Starsky & Hutch to similarly tragic effect, though director Jay Chandrasekhar surely enlisted the rest of his Broken Lizard cohorts (they all pop up in the film) for script input. And yet somehow they produce nary a single amusing situation or line of dialogue.
The extent of characterization is that Luke is a ladies man, while Bo just wants to fuck his car (and I seriously wish I meant that figuratively). Daisy occasionally removes articles of clothing, which is apparently central to the indistinct plot, or at least reminds male viewers to remain conscious. Willie Nelson purportedly plays Uncle Jesse, although all he really does is stand around telling horribly unfunny jokes – I’m not even entirely certain he’s aware that he’s playing a character in a movie. Surprisingly the movie doesn’t have a single clumsily incorporated cameo by the original cast (not even Coy and Vance!), but it does arbitrarily feature Wonder Woman Lynda Carter and a completely superfluous Super Troopers homage, which only the readership of CHUD and about 142 other people will actually get. At least this unrated version of the movie has the decency to also include a few hot naked girls.
Unfortunately steering clear of Spoof County, Chandrasekhater barrels straight down the nondescript action-comedy route, content to offer up the checklist of essential idiotic ingredients while supplying little else of entertainment value. There are a number of respectable old-fashioned vehicle stunts through the film, but ultimately they only illustrate that the General Lee is far more interesting than any of the actual humans in the movie (aside from Simpson’s flawless chassis, which is enough to fluster even Joe Don Baker).
Bereft of anything approaching humor or logic, Dukes of Hazzard is a movie where Jessica Simpson appears to be the most intelligent person on the screen, a movie where the vast majority of laughs are provided by the bloopers that play during the very welcome end credits. In fact, a bar fight scene where the abrasive Seann William Scott wears a special needs helmet and head butts everybody is a suitable analogy for the film itself.